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Bitches Ain't Shit
It's a common misconception that gay men understand women. After all, its why they collect female friends (fag hags, for the uninformed), right? I posit that is not the case. Gay men collect female friends so easily because typically, gay men are to be welcomed as sex partners or avoided altogether as ugly fatties, and straight men don't hang out with fuckin' queers. Me, I've never understood women. They confuse me. With limited exception I've always preferred the company of men. I recall that in kindergarten I referred to having my two best friends sitting on either side of me as being "surrounded by boys". While I may not understand women, from time to time their motivations are laid bare enough that even a klutz like myself can understand what they're up to.
A friend of mine, one of those elusive heterosexual males, not too long ago began sorta seeing this girl that appeared out of nowhere. Judging from our mutual friends on facebook she is nobody I want to associate with. Then again she's not dating me. But she's not really dating my friend either. Legend has it she transferred to OU to get back together with her ex-boyfriend and after "deciding to not do that" she met my clinically depressed straight sophomore friend. He asked her what their budding relationship was, and she said she wants to keep seeing him "but would like to remain single for a bit", whatever the fuck that means. Two more of our mutual friends later met her and immediately thought the same thing: this bitch be triflin'.
I told my clinically depressed straight sophomore friend to tread lightly cause this girl sounded like trouble, and his idea of treading lightly was drunkenly vomiting on her twice, shoving her away as she was trying to help him into bed, and calling her a succubus. I was so proud of him until he told me he was trying to make amends, and last I heard they came back together. If you've ever seen that episode of Hey Arnold! where Arnold meets this girl named Summer in Jersey and they have a typical summer romance, but she only wants him for his sandcastle building skills to win some contest, it's basically that. Just replace sandcastle building skills with free drugs and alcohol.
I would like to think I'm a good judge of character for spotting this bitch so early on. I certainly have my moments, but then again I had to be told by everyone around me that Taylor was lame as balls. Damn, did he ever prove them right. I suppose it's pretty easy to be blinded by the light of a relationship and not see that the person you're sticking your dick in is replying in kind with a knife in the back. I've told myself I'm going to have words with my clinically depressed straight sophomore friend about his gold digging pseudo-girlfriend but I'm not sure how much he'll listen to me. Even if he just shrugs me off at least it'll be on the record eventually that I was right, I guess. and that bitch ain't ever setting foot in my apartment.
24 Manifestos:
not to be superficial, but is she easy on the eyes and does she have a pocket full of rubles and kopeks?
and she said she wants to keep seeing him "but would like to remain single for a bit", whatever the fuck that means.
You already know what that means (somewhat) by way of your Hey Arnold! reference, right? This bitch be havin' a back-up plan.
I knew you'd come through for St. Patrick's Day. Topical too.
Women are not so mysterious... just don’t take them too seriously.
Just don't fall in a love with a woman you have ignored and treated badly. Consequences are devastating.
you can be in any type of relationship; whether it be man with man, or man with animal as the great Rick Santorum would say, just don't fall in love unless she is willing to through herself in front of a car for you.
Helping a sloppy drunk to bed while being puked on and shoved doesn't reek of "horrible human being".
And if she's not looking for a monogamous relationship at the moment, does she not get points for being honest about that?
In other words...
TEAM SUCCUBUS!
Mmmmm.. I love me a good hitch slap.
She gets desperation points for getting puked twice and not flinching. You're strait friend must have some really good connections.
"but would like to remain single for a bit" = I'm too much of a puss to be single so I'll take what I can get right now from you. And when I meet somebody that's what i consider even a small fraction better than you, I will dump you, er, I'll take away our friendship with privilege. So when your heart is crushed you'll have to admit it's all your fault because I told you I'm using you to fill a void so you shouldn't have gotten attached in the first place.
I think I like this bitch.
You people are worse than penguins.
I really don't get this. She was honest about not wanting to be tied down. Is that not better than lying and cheating? At least he knows up front what he's in for and has the option to accept it or move on. Or maybe Sir Barfs-a-Lot is more self-aware than he lets on. He doesn't sound like much of a prize.
i will have to agree with that person named leslie on this. That chick should be praised for being honest and upfront, unfortunate and distasteful for the depressed dude to call her names and vomit on her?
Well your friend is young, he will eventually grow up. We we were all like that at some point =P
-V
Yes, the honesty is to be commended but the intent is not.
They're perfect for each other.
Bitter is as bitter does.
LS~ don't you have an exposed rod to watch meltdown?
what a clusterfuck of lose. that woman will get by one way or another in the world while yer friend will get sidelined and end up alcoholic or otherwise fukt up.
did u just make this up for a post-- or is this one of those "my friend" indirect entries.
i'm with robert and 'leslie' on this one.
btw have you gotten any pussy yet?
You ought to give this one a little try Woozie, just to see what you're missing out on. Or not.
The woman is being honest, and, for the moment, your friend has something to do with his spare time, so, he should take a cue from the lady and develop a backup plan.
Pardon the expression, but he should ride this for as long as it goes, then do something else.
pussy or shut up
Puked on her TWO times?
Ewe.
He should be on his knees, head bowed saying thank you Jezzzzus that im getting sex at all.
If you say anything to him at all, suggest he assume that jesus position before puking. That would be very good advice; preferably over the toilet :)
He should be on his knees, head bowed saying thank you Jezzzzus that im getting sex at all.
Oh yeah! Chicks dig the humility. It gets them hot!
"Thank you, Goddess... for letting me make sexy with you... can I please have some more sexy time now, maaamah?"
That'll up the quota.
^
really ? interesting perspective.
are you 14?
Poor leslie, sniggering about people living though a disaster.
What are you talking about, LS?
I have nothing but pity for your ex-girlfriends.
At least you're being honest with him and not just telling him what he wants to hear.
It is clear that this board is filled with a bunch of nerds and outcasts who know nothing about love.
Come on, leslie, you can do better than that.
As the saying goes: "A man cannot resist the whiff of a cunt." A straight man that is.
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