Them Belly Full

Color me Scrooge but I think I don't like the holidays. Growing up I enjoyed them a lot, Thanksgiving and Christmas especially having some special feeling to them no other days in the year had. Being a big boy at 21 now, the end of the year makes me realize two things: it's goddamn cold and I'm too goddamn poor. For the last month my paychecks have disappeared shortly after receiving them, all to paying bills. I suppose I should be thankful for still having all my utilities on, but you can't do much with an oven if you don't have food to prepare on/in it.

Speaking of thankfulness, I can feel my stomach boiling whenever people talk about "what they're thankful for" come this time of year. Just because some natives helped out a very lost and confused colony of Englishmen some 400 years ago does not mean this is the one day of the year you should appreciate all the shit you have. Facebook statuses and tweets about gratefulness just seem so painfully contrived. As much as I may complain about being poor I realize my poverty is only relative; billions can't even hold a candle to my wealth. Even though bills bankrupt me and they don't always get paid on time, at least they do get paid. I know I'm appreciative of that fact, because electricity is awesome. But why do I have to tell the world? It's just so damn stupid.

I will always maintain that the people who say "money can't buy happiness" have never been poor. I know that's missing the point of the statement, but the point of the statement is fucking dumb. I love my immediate family very much, and my life would be worse without them, but there are just some things $50,000 can do that they can never. I don't even particularly want to be stupidly rich, although it would be nice. I just want to lead a life where I don't have to struggle to pay my damn bills. Which is why I'm so excited about my future as a history major.

Really, I feel as though 50k is being selfish. So much as a $20 can make quite a bit of difference. For reference: I have $.96 in my bank account currently, and Andy has $.88. Together we found $1.11 in change and got him a third of a gallon of gas. Afterward we went to a grocery store where I shoplifted about $33.39 in food because we were hungry and had no other way to eat. Just now I finished taking a dump when I remembered I didn't have any toilet paper because I couldn't afford it. Even though classes are finally over until January I've been in a funk all week because I'm so desperately poor. But after having to clean my ass by taking a quick shower, I really think I've had it with this poverty bullshit.